


i tried so hard to be good

by deepestfathoms



Category: The Prom (2020), The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: Anger, Fist Fights, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Teenage Drama, Violence, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29809350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deepestfathoms/pseuds/deepestfathoms
Summary: It all made her so angry. Her parents. Her friends. Her treatment at school. Her life. Who she was.Fifteen long years of being the good little rich girl. Of turning the other cheek. Of enduring and bearing. Of being patient and understanding and letting things go, always letting things go.It got old. So fucking old.
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan, Kaylee/Shelby (The Prom Musical)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	i tried so hard to be good

That week had been terrible to begin with.

First, on Monday, her partner in Pre-AP English hadn’t done his part of the project, so they had an unfinished test grade. Then, on Tuesday, her stupid, annoying, awful, spawn-of-the-devil younger siblings broke her favorite skull after playing in her room even though they weren’t allowed to go in there without her permission and her parents yelled at HER when she got mad at them. And then on Wednesday, her friends completely left her out of a hangout session after school, and all of Thursday night, she had to stay up with her baby brother because he wouldn’t sleep and kept crying and nobody else wanted to tend to him, so she got no sleep at all. That made her extremely irritable on Friday, and that was one of the reasons why she finally just snapped.

Trent had nothing planned for Theater that day, so everyone in the class was just doing their own thing. Winnie took to completing the 1000 piece puzzle she had been continually working on, and when she finally finished it, she felt a small blooming of pride in her chest for accomplishing something.

That feeling was immediately crushed when Nick came by and swiped the puzzle off of the table she had been working on.

Winnie watched the image of a jungle-shrouded tiger shatter into pieces on the floor with wide eyes. In an instant, all her hard work was gone. The one thing keeping her calm was destroyed. All her anger and pent up emotions came rushing back, and they burned like molten lava.

Above her head, Nick laughed.

“Whoops!”

Winnie barely heard him over the roaring in her own ears. She could barely see his stupid face, too, because tears were starting to blur her vision. But Nick could still see, apparently, because he caught her mounting despair and snarked, “Oh my god. Don’t tell me you’re going to cry.”

She was. She definitely was. 

She knelt down to pick up the puzzle, not wanting Nick to see her reddening face anymore.

Nick rolled his eyes. “You’re such a fucking pussy,” He said. “No wonder your parents hate you. I couldn’t imagine having to live with you.”

_ That  _ did it.

Something snapped inside of Winnie’s chest, and all the emotions she had been holding back came rushing free.

It all made her so angry. Her parents. Her friends. Her treatment at school. Her life. Who she was. 

Fifteen long years of being the good little rich girl. Of turning the other cheek. Of enduring and bearing. Of being patient and understanding and letting things go, always letting things go.

It got old. So fucking old.

As she clenched her fists against the floor of the stage, she imagined what would happen if she finally stopped being the shock absorber for her friends. The brunt of all the jokes. The quiet, innocent little redhead who never spoke her mind, never stood up for herself. 

She imagined storming into the school and screaming her head off at the inconsiderate teachers, the rude students, everyone who ever blamed her for money she inherited and couldn’t even use. She was a smart kid, dammit! She’d been in school as long as everyone else, and she was very good at it! No more questioning her, no more arguing or trying to make her look foolish, no more bringing up her parents. 

She imagined setting fire to the cafeteria, not caring about how much of her parent’s money it would cost to fix it. Just to hear the crackles of flames, just to watch the people scramble, just to be the chaos instead of the shield against it.

She imagined stalking into the band closet where her friends liked to group in, kicking the door open because she thought it made her look more powerful. She would watch her friends jump in surprise and fear, not just staring at her like she was their obedient little ginger puppy.

She imagined punching people in the face, hearing the crack of their noses. Better than any of the music her friends always like to poke fun at her for listening to.

And then, relishing it, she imagined dunking them into water until they couldn’t breathe, she imagined stealing their clothes and leaving them stranded naked in a bathroom stall for hours, she imagined tripping them in the hallway and have her break her jaw on the way down, she imagined making fun of their hair until they were self-conscious about even something so small.

_ Who’s the boss now? Who’s the tough one, who doesn’t take shit, who doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want, ever? _

She imagined growling into all of their ears as she tore into all of them and didn’t care how much of a devil it made her.

_ How do you like me now? _

Being strong, and bold, and standing up, taking what she wanted when she wanted it, for the first time in her goddamn life.

She clenched her fists harder, turning the knuckles white, and whimpered softly.

Because she would never do any of that stuff she imagines.

She never did that.

She never defended herself or stood up for herself or fought back.

She only endured and endured and endured like a good little girl, like her friends wanted, like how her parents made her.

It was what was best for her. What was best for everyone.

Except now.

Never again.  _ Never again.  _

“What the  _ FUCK?! _ ” 

The thing that came out of her mouth was just a few squeaked words, ones that had been boiling up inside of Winnie’s chest for hours, long before her puzzle had gotten destroyed, or walked into school, or even started school at all.

Winnie didn’t yell a whole lot, never had. She’d always had the tendency to quietly brood when her temper ran high or her spirits ram low, something that had helped facilitate her transformation over the years of torment and torture from her family. So in reality, the noise that was escaping her right now was one she’d been holding back for a very long time.

It sounded stupid. But it felt good.

She wanted to keep doing it.

Intimidating or not, effective or not, when something was being uttered by a teenage girl who’d been living in what felt like the closest thing to Hell that could exist on God’s green earth, a teenage girl who never raised her voice ever, no matter what, a teenage girl with wild eyes, a mangy body, and a lifetime worth of pain… 

It was a goddamn battle-cry.

Above her, Nick looked amused by her outburst, if not a bit shocked. Others, however, looked much more surprised, having stopped what they were doing to snoop into what was going on. Among them were her friends, and the fact that none of them had yelled at Nick for breaking her puzzle made her even angrier, fuelling the fire now burning within her chest.

She wanted to burn them all.

“Someone’s got a potty mouth!” Nick chortled. “Watch what you say, Little Red. Don’t want your Daddy to take your allowance away.”

And she was going to start with  _ him. _

Winnie’s nails dug into her palms, carving bloody half-moons across her skin, and then released the tension. She took a deep breath like she taught herself to do when her anger ran high, and she was surprised to not see smoke come out when she exhaled.

“You really aren’t one to talk about familial issues, Nick,” Winnie said calmly, sitting back on her knees. 

Nick’s eyebrows twitched. “Excuse me?”

“You talk like your family is any better than mine,” Winnie elaborated for his stupid, useless, hormone-induced male brain. “Your parents are divorced.”

_ That  _ seemed to get under Nick’s skin because his expression shifted from amused and douchey to pissed off and infuriated in an instant.

“That’s none of your business, bitch,” Nick hissed.

“But my family life is?” Winnie asked. 

“Nobody likes rich people,” Nick reprimanded.

“And nobody likes you,” Winnie shrugged. “But I’m not shouting that to the rooftops now am I?”

Nick looked like a wild dog when he was angry. Usually, Winnie would be scared of the way he was glaring at her, but she realized she didn’t really care about anything at the moment. All she wanted to do was tear strips off of him the same way he regularly tore strips off of her.

“I always wondered why your parents, you know, cut ties, but now I can see why,” Winnie went on. “I bet it was because of you. I bet you drove them apart. That seems to be a skill for you, seeing how often you ruin people’s moods.” She barked a laugh. “No wonder Kaylee left you for Shelby! You just make everyone miserable! We all fucking hate you!”

“Who do you think I am?” Nick snarled lowly.

“Who-- Who do you think  _ I AM? _ ” Winnie exclaimed, breathless. “You don’t know what I had to endure for you. Or for the others in the group.”

“Don’t bring them into this,” Nick warned.

“They’re in this just as much as you are, Nick.” Winnie said lowly. “You’ve said you all keep me around out of pity. You make fun of me constantly. You once put lit firecrackers in the pocket of my jacket!”

“You were fine!”

“I had burns all over my hands!”

Nick rolled his eyes, and that made Winnie even angrier.

“And what makes it worse, nobody cares. None of you. Not Alyssa, not Emma, not Kevin, not Kaylee, who, again, left you for Shelby, in case you forgot. Not Shelby, either. You all just--let it happen. Always.”

For a moment, there was only silence between them. Out of her peripheral vision, Winnie could see several people watching with wide eyes, and that made her feel slightly better. She was glad there were spectators here to watch her metaphorically flay her so-called friend.

“I’m sorry.”

The words came from behind Winnie’s back and she couldn’t really pick out who exactly said it, but it wasn’t from anyone she wanted to hear it from.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” She said, not turning away from Nick. “Trust me on that.” She paused for just a moment, licked her lips, then said again, “I don’t want to hear it from you.”

Nick’s left leg twitched slightly. He sniffed, trying to gather up his dignity, but Winnie was smashing it to the ground by just looking at him. And he hated it, Winnie knew. He hated how powerless he felt under a fucking mistake, as he would word it.

“I’m sorry,” He finally said.

A ghost of a pleased smile appears on Winnie’s pale lips.

“It’s good to hear, but I’m afraid you’re too late. The damage is done, Nick.”

Nick’s eyes resembled a bug’s for a moment- large, bulging, oh so very inferior and helpless. Winnie wanted to gouge them out with her thumbs.

“It’s sad, I know, to be humiliated…” Winnie hummed. “…to lose all feeling in the shame, but…I have not felt anything for a very long time. You made sure of that.” Her eyes narrowed and her tone flicked stinging irritation into Nick’s face. “I’ll do anything necessary to be noticed and to have people become aware of me. I’ve been alone for too long.”

“Oh my god,” Nick groaned. “You’re so annoying! Stop acting like you’re--”

There it was. The flame to the fuse.

“Acting?”

The way Winnie slowly craned her head around to stare was chilling.

“Acting?” She repeated. “You really have no clue do you, Mister Perfect?”

“This isn’t fair to any of us.” Nick said, taking a small step back. “We’re just kids, we say stupid shi--”

“Fair?” Winnie laughed bitterly. “What do you know about fair? You have everything. EVERYTHING. Money. Friends. Parents who actually gave a shit about you despite all your flaws, despite you tearing them apart. And what have you done to deserve any of it?”

“I--”

“I bet you haven’t ever even thought about it? You’re just so fucking self-absorbed.” She took a breath and continued with a smirk. “God, I wish I could be as shallow and petty and spoiled as you are. So blissfully ignorant about everything and everyone.”

Nick clenched his jaw. Winnie could see the humiliation that crept up from his heart to his face, burning his cheeks like fire. Her words were consciously cruel, a barbed blade designed to do as much damage going in as coming out.

“I hate you,” Nick hissed. “We  _ all _ hate you. Wanna know why we leave you out of things all the time? It’s because we fucking hate you and wished you weren’t apart of the group.” He began to list things on his fingers. “We hate hearing about your fucked up interests, we hate having to sit and listen to that stupid fucking movie you never shut up about, we hate looking at your ugly, messed up face. We fucking hate you!”

Winnie stood there and took his insulting words with a grain of salt, not letting the hurt show on her face no matter how much pain they caused her. Because she just kept reminding herself that she was going to make him hurt even more.

“Another immature, understated response from His Highness.” Winnie twirled her hand in the air and bowed with a flourish. “It’s not always about you, Nicholas. Amazingly.”

“And it’s not just about you,  _ Guinevere _ ,” Nick shot back, his anger filtering back in. “Everyone goes through bad stuff.”

“Horse shit. You have no idea what I’m going through.”

“Stop being so childish!”

Winnie’s eyes narrowed. “What did you say?”

“You heard me.” Nick was challenging her patience.

“Repeat it again.  _ To my face. _ ” Winnie snarled.

“You,  _ Guinevere _ , are being fucking childish!”

“YOU are telling ME that?!” Winnie barked a laugh. “Christ, you are so superficial. If it’s not about your horrible romance life, then it’s about--”

A hand cracked against her face.

Nick had hit her.

But that wasn’t new, now was it?

Gasps filled the auditorium. Kids began glancing all over the place frantically. Trent wasn’t around to stop the fight, so nobody really knew what to do. Someone took out their phone and began to record. 

When Winnie looked up, her eyes were a livid firestorm.

A hand around Nick’s throat.

Winnie’s forward surge was as impossible to withstand as a tsunami. Nick was driven backwards across the open space of the stage and collided with the table that started this all. Winnie was against her, teeth bared, eyes unblinking.

Feral.

Nick clawed at the fingers digging into his flesh, but Winnie didn’t relent her grip. She would rip his throat out if she could. She wanted to watch him choke. That would make up for everything he had said to her.

“Jesus, Winnie, you’re hurting me!” That was all Nick could gasp out before Winnie squeezed tighter.

“This must be a first for you,” Winnie snarled. “Not getting your way.”

She increased pressure against Nick’s trachea and leaned in close. Her voice was oozing with venom.

“You want to know what I really went through?”

Something grabbed Winnie by the shoulder and she whipped around to see Alyssa and Emma standing behind her. Seeing them extinguished the inferno searing in her chest, bringing back all the pain and longing and wanting. She wanted them to like her so bad, so bad it hurt, and yet--

Nick threw himself at her, and she tumbled to the ground, landing in a heap of limbs. A fist with the solidity and size of a small boulder smashed into her jaw, making her see stars and taste blood. She shook off the resulting pain and dizziness, and raked her fingernails down Nick’s face. Nick punched her again, this time in the right eye, and it stunned for a moment.

“You fucking bitch,” Nick seethed. Their friends were starting to yell at them, begging them to stop, but neither of them listened. “You’re a fucking pyscho!”

Nick reached for her neck, most likely to strangle her like she had been trying to, but Winnie beat him to the attack. She hooked her nails into the skin on his hands and pulled herself downwards to sink her teeth several inches deep into the fleshy webbing between thumb and pointer finger.

Nick bellowed a roar of pain as his hand was torn in twain between the digits. He flinched back, shaking his arm frantically, but Winnie stayed latched on like a leach, refusing to release him. It wasn’t until a second pair of hands grabbed her that she finally let go.

Winnie swung her arms around, shoving the new offender to the ground before turning back to Nick, who was still nursing his wound. She advanced on him.

“My Daddy hits harder than you do,” She said to him, blood dripping from her mouth.

“Your Daddy doesn’t want you,” Nick said back. “Neither of them did. None of us do!”

Winnie couldn’t keep the inferno back anymore.

She began beating the shit out of Nick. She hit and punched and scratched until her arms grew sore, and he returned with vicious blows of her own that felt like her bones had been shattered or her organs had been ruptured, but she didn’t stop. She couldn’t stop. She couldn’t contain her own outrage so she thrashed with Nick on the ground until she was sobbing in despair and anger and pain. 

Hands grabbed at her for a third time and, this time, they managed to separate her.

Emma had her arms locked firmly around her stomach, lifting her off the ground to remove her from the fight, but that only made Winnie struggle harder. She squirmed and writhed like a caged animal, kicking her legs furiously and scratching at Emma’s bare skin until blood was drawn, all while screaming so loudly and so intensely her voice cracked with every other word.

“You fucking BASTARD! I hate you! I fucking HATE YOU! You’re the scum of the fucking EARTH! Go to FUCKING HELL! Emma,  _ PUT ME DOWN _ !!”

But Emma didn’t release her. Neither did Kevin and Greg, who were restraining Nick. Seeing all of them hurt worse than anything Nick had done to her in the fight. But what hurt even more than that was that she  _ knew _ they were probably going to side with him over this.

When did they not? As Nick had said, they fucking hated her. 


End file.
